Hustle Culture: Unmasking the Truth
If you think you’ll ever find fulfillment in life by hustling and grinding, you’re wrong.
Workaholics pour themselves into working more and more, optimizing their lives around getting more work done. I’ve worked with clients who had the deeply engrained mindset, “If I just keep working more and more, then I don’t need to give myself the space to recognize that there are insufficiencies, needs that aren't being met, and parts of my life that aren’t working.”
In David Emerald’s book, The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic), this behavior is aligned with one of three roles in the “Dreaded Drama Triangle” - the Rescuer.
It shows up as rescuing themselves - when they’re focused on something that creates anxiety such as unmet needs or parts of their life that aren’t working, they rescue themselves by escaping reality and diving into their work. When people subscribe to hustle culture, they lean into this mindset: “If I continue to strive, then I’ll get more recognition, more accolades, and more awards. I'll know I'm better, and I'll know I'm winning.”
These are the same folks who will brag “OMG you wouldn’t believe the crazy hours I worked this week!”
For anyone who’s not hustling and grinding, we’d wonder, “Are you telling me this for my benefit, or are you hoping that I'm going to respond in a way that validates you? Are you fishing for self-esteem right now? Are you looking for confirmation that you have such an incredible work ethic?” That information doesn't mean anything to us, but it means something to them.
It comes down to the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem.
Self-esteem is great, it's valuable. We should have it, but it's often externally contingent on us having other people show us appreciation and recognition. And if we’re relying on other people to get that, and to feel good about ourselves, we don't get to control when and how it comes. On the other hand, self-compassion is something that we get to be the drivers of, and that’s what makes it a renewable resource.
The braggadocious behavior I mentioned above all stems from people that are still looking outside themselves for self-esteem.
“If I can just be a little bit more, deliver more, make a little bit more, and have a little bit more, then I'll be enough” - because the outside world is going to offer that, or you’ll have more followers, or whatever your metric for success is!
And I'm not saying we shouldn't do that. But, again, if you think you're going to ever find fulfillment by hustling and grinding all life long, you're wrong. Fishing for external validation and self-esteem is like trying to fill a bucket that's got a giant hole in the bottom. But self-compassion on the other hand, is a robust, impenetrable container. It might be harder to fill, but you’re in control of that, and no one can take it away from you.
Have you been spending more time worrying about what people think of you, instead of what you think of yourself? Or laser-focused on constant promotions as the only way to success? Consider reaching out for support in breaking free from the self-esteem-seeking cycle, recognizing your limitations and opportunities for growth, and learning to use that data as fuel to create what's actually possible for your life.
If you’re not sure where to start, I’m here to help.
For more on tapping into your true potential as a leader, subscribe to The Leadership Mind Podcast on YouTube and stay tuned for announcements about my new book coming soon!
