Loneliness in a Hyperconnected Society
Loneliness is a mental health emergency.
In May of this year, a new Surgeon General Advisory called out the damaging impact of the epidemic of loneliness, isolation and lack of connection in the United States.
Colleagues express that they are no longer a part of communities they once were, and find it hard to keep in touch as their colleagues leave workplaces for greener pastures.
And for those that stay, organizations are often insular. This can become an issue if an employee doesn’t have ‘community’ with the organization, and they don’t have a big network outside of the organization.
If you haven’t experienced this yourself, you may have heard a friend, partner or colleague express that it’s hard to make new friends as an adult.
It is hard to make the first move. It’s hard to get past small talk. It’s hard to take a chance and try to set up a meeting. Especially if you work behind a screen remotely and on your own, for the majority of your day.
I talk to people all day long, but I still find myself feeling a bit lonely. It’s part of the reason I’m exploring coworking space.
From my past experience, I know that having colleagues who are not peers, subordinates or a manager but are like-minded professionals in the same field can lead to opportunities for genuine relationships. These can be relationships where you have similar values and interests and you actually like each other. Not like friendships based on proximity alone which quickly fade away with a location change.
But, how do you deepen these relationships and build your community if you never get face time with these people?
And what happens when face time is forced? Is it possible that it might be driving a deeper wedge and pushing people further apart?
Unispace's "Returning for Good" report found that nearly half (42%) of companies who mandated return-to-office (RTO) saw a higher level of employee attrition than they had anticipated. And the Greenhouse Candidate Experience Report shows that a staggering 76% of employees are ready to walk if their companies decide to eliminate flexible work schedules.
These stats don’t show good news when it comes to longer-term relationship building at work. The Federal Reserve’s Survey of Household Economics and Decisionmaking (SHED), equates the disappointment of shifting from a flexible work model to a traditional one to that of experiencing a 2-3% pay cut and Unispace reported that feelings of happiness, motivation, and excitement decreased by 27%, 26%, and 22% respectively when RTO was mandated.
Organizations would do well to consider that when RTO is optional, and positioned as an opportunity for collaboration and community, folks are more likely to go into the office - as long as they have autonomy and feel like they are choosing it for themselves. This is key, as a survey by Harvard Business Review showed that 95% of people say face-to-face meetings are key to successful long-term relationships in the workplace.
When we meet face to face we reduce the cognitive weight that virtual interactions can cause due to uncertainty around physical actions. If the person you’re meeting with online is looking out the window, are they distracted by an incoming storm or are they simply processing the conversation? If they’re looking at a second monitor and not making ‘eye contact’ with you through the camera, do you feel fully immersed in the conversation together?
How can we take opportunities to have greater quality and depth of conversations, and make being with people a priority, if we haven’t been mandated to return to an office?
We can find our own ways to carve out time to be in person. Maybe even share a hug rather than an awkward Zoom wave.
For a recent meeting, a client and I agreed to take a walk around the lake. This was a very different experience from our past Zoom calls. I found my client spoke transparently, was more vulnerable, and more present. I feel energized in meeting in person, plus, I can avoid distractions at home.
And if we are going to meet virtually, how do we make it the best experience it can be?
This requires different level of intention at the outset. The conversation should be less about watercooler chit-chat and more about how someone is REALLY doing. How is their physical, mental, and emotional health?
Some ideas for consideration:
If you have the choice, aim to be in the office 1-2 times per month at a minimum.
Reach out to local people in your network and ask for a walk and talk or a coffee meeting.
Audit your calendar. Is there a meeting on Zoom that could be in person instead? Invite them to go for a walk, or even talk over the phone while you both walk in your respective neighborhoods.
If you’re on Zoom, set the context. If you have a second monitor, let the person you’re meeting with know. If you’re typing, let them know you are taking notes. If you need to look at your phone, let them know you may have a family matter to attend to.
We all need trusted confidants who will understand, listen, advise when appropriate, ask powerful questions, let us vent to the point it’s beneficial, and hold us accountable to taking responsibility for solutions.
I’m honored to play this part for my clients, enabling them to feel seen, heard, worthy and enough.
Let’s make the first move, get past the small talk, and take the initiative to intentionally deepen our relationships, and expand our communities.
Our mental health depends on it.
For more on tapping into your true potential as a leader, subscribe to The Leadership Mind Podcast on YouTube and stay tuned for announcements about my new book coming soon!
