“I don’t belong here” - The Imposter

In this newsletter series, I’ve introduced you to WIMPs. In this edition, we’ll do a deep dive into the fifth WIMP, the Imposter. 

Never heard of WIMPs? Check out our first newsletter in the series, ‘The Hardass’ to get familiar with what I’m talking about.

The Impostor

The impostor is always worried about being found out and rejected once people see “who they really are.” 

They constantly minimize their abilities, lack self-confidence, and are notoriously bad at taking compliments. Their default response is self-deprecation. They feel undeserving of any success they’ve earned, always feeling like they’ve somehow cheated their way into whatever position they hold. 

Impostors feel inferior to others, rarely engaging at eye level with peers. 

The impostor often thinks of themselves as a misfit, who’s missing a key ingredient or is broken in some unfixable way. Their low self-worth can hold them back from reaching bigger goals, and, worse, prevent them from imagining and defining their purpose. 

Core strength: 

🔷 The Impostor is less likely to overestimate their abilities which makes them conscientious when taking on challenges that require new skills.

Core fear: 

🔷 I’ll probably fail, so what’s the point in trying in the first place? 

Core Driver: 

🔷 Protection from the judgment and rejection of others.

Catchphrases:

🔷 If people really knew me…

🔷 I don’t belong here/don’t fit in.

🔷 There’s something wrong with me.

🔷 I’m a fraud and will be found out eventually.

🔷 If they knew how incompetent/useless I was, I would be fired.

🔷 If I try and fail, I’m worse off than I would be if I never tried at all.

🔷 I can’t do this and don’t understand why other people think I can.

Impostor syndrome fuels our fear of rejection. 

When you persistently doubt your abilities and talents, feel as though you don't deserve your accolades, or haven't earned your achievements, you may experience a constant fear of being exposed for lacking talent or skill. You frequently wonder if you belong in your team or position. It's easy to see how low intrinsic self-worth and the need to garner outside validation make us prone to doubt whether we really deserve any of the praise. 

We quietly ask ourselves if we're just really good at faking it and dread the day everyone will finally find out who we really are—a fraud. 

I experienced impostor syndrome while writing my book. Let’s just say, I had daily opportunities to practice self-compassion, which didn’t erase my impostor syndrome, but helped me put it in perspective. The more I practice self-compassion, the less impostor syndrome I experience. 

Throughout my life, I’ve often feared being exposed as a fraud. 

My resume is proof of all the jobs I started and quit, and the educational programs and universities I attended and dropped out of. My twenties were littered with false starts and changing careers. 

I spent so many years of my life trying to figure out where I belonged, and where I would feel right. Self-compassion helped me understand that no external circumstances would give me the feeling of belonging.

Having dyslexia was one of my main drivers for experiencing impostor syndrome. 

I was privileged to have loving parents who had the means to provide resources to help me with tutors and support me through academic and career ups and downs. I got chance after chance. Where I am today is due to hard work, and undoubtedly a lot of luck. I know that many people with language-based learning differences are not as fortunate. 

While self-compassion can help us personally, it is also essential to remember that once we apply it to ourselves, we have a greater capacity to extend it to others. We may start advocating for systemic changes that alleviate collective suffering, and offer people the support they need to thrive.

Because of my experience with dyslexia in the educational system and my passion for improving outcomes for the next generation, I’m deeply grateful for the opportunity to serve on the board of a Seattle-area school for students with dyslexia and other language-based learning differences. 

I get to help shape supportive school policies and educational frameworks and had the honor of speaking to a class of eighth graders. 

Struggling with impostor syndrome myself, it was meaningful to encourage them to trust their abilities and creativity, while validating their struggles and inviting them to see the gifts within. Self-compassion allowed me to show up for these kids as my whole self and model that they can find their own path and make a beautiful life for themselves. It remains one of the most moving moments of my life and career. 

Would you like to meet the rest of your WIMPs?

Stay tuned for deep dives like this in the monthly editions to follow.  

WIMPs are a concept from my forthcoming book: Human First, Leader Second. The book is now available for preorder here.