The Power of “I” vs “We” Statements
I was recently facilitating a high-performing team workshop for a group of leaders.
During the discussion, the leaders said things like:
“We’re not holding each other accountable.”
“We’re struggling with that.”
“We’re not trusting each other or our teams enough.”
So in return, I asked the participants to reframe their “We” statements as “I” statements:
“I’m not holding myself and this team accountable.”
“I’m struggling with X.”
“I’m not feeling trusted or trustworthy enough to share my ideas openly.”
Sure, this is difficult to remember and uncomfortable to do at times. But, this reframe shows a powerful distinction in what we say.
In saying “we” you can hide behind your perspective and push accountability onto others.
“We” doesn’t explain your personal experience, and it allows you to dodge ownership of the issue and where you stand on it.
“We” keeps us in a place where we’re speaking for others, instead of opening the conversation by first speaking for ourselves and our own perspectives.
“I” statements allow you to take accountability, grow, and improve upon the situation.
I think this approach has some issues.
I want to improve the transparency and accountability of this team.
I feel uncomfortable sharing my point of view on this topic.
I struggle with…
I want…
I need…
I don't understand…
I don't agree with…
I don’t feel comfortable with…, etc.
If at times, you find yourself referring to the royal “we” when talking about your experiences, perspectives, or challenges - pause and rephrase to communicate how you are thinking and feeling.
When reframing things as “I,” it forces you to examine if you personally think or feel that way about the topic and why.
If you don’t actually think or feel the same way as when you use “we”, it’s a good starting place to figure out where you aren’t aligned and why.
Remember, speaking from “I” is a much more effective way to get your point across and engage others as it works as an invitation for others who feel the same way to agree with you, or for those with different perspectives to better understand you.
